SHOULD I COMPLAIN OR SHOULD I BITE MY TONGUE?

When it comes to your child or student, and a parent or teacher believes their child or student has been wronged, feelings can get hurt and sometimes things can escalate to the point where things are heated. As a parent of child currently involved in competitive athletics, as a former studio owner and teacher who took dancers to several competitions a year, I understand! I understand for ALL points of view! But when should you get involved and actually make a complaint and when should you bite your tongue? It's important to remember that as a parent and as a studio owner and/or teacher, children's little eyes (no matter their age), are on you, and you are setting an example that will stick with them for a lifetime. Dance teaches so much more than technique and choreography. Dance teaches life lessons. This is why it is so important that we as adults watch our behavior in any dance environment as we are shaping future generations. Our choices and behaviors as adults will make an impact in how these children behave today and as adults themselves. Our choices and behaviors as adults will make an impact on the attitudes these children have today and as adults. It's like the children's song says, "Be careful little eyes what you see. Be careful little ears what you hear. Be careful little hands what you do. Be careful little feet where you go. Be careful little mouth what you say." I have learned that children don't miss a thing!

When you are thinking of voicing a complaint, or present questions to your teacher and/or studio owner as a parent about something studio, class, or competition related, or as a studio owner to the competition director, there are a few questions to ask yourself before proceeding. Is your complaint subjective and/or emotionally based, or factually based? If you say it is factually based, do you have hard core evidence to support your claim or do you have hearsay or a subjective opinion to support your claim? It is important to remember that hearsay is gossip and not reliable fact. Also, keep in my mind that a subjective opinion is an opinion. At a dance studio, the ruling subjective opinion is that of the studio owner. At a competition, as far as a score is concerned, the ruling subjective opinion is that of the dance professionals that are seated on that particular judging panel, otherwise, in my subjective opinion for my blog, it is score tampering. I know that I have disagreed on a few occasions at competitions, but I had to sit back, go away by myself, and evaluate the situation as a whole taking my emotions out of it. I had to look solely at the facts. As a studio owner, sometimes that was difficult as I was tired and had parents that disagreed as well. Emotions were high, but I had to look at the facts without my personal opinions attached. Sometimes it was hard to go against my clientele and not complain to the competition director, but it was not the right thing to do based on the facts. By the time we got back to the studio, my clientele would have had thought about it and agreed with the decision. All would be well. If something needed to be addressed with the dancers, it would be discussed then at the studio. As a parent today with my child in sports, I find myself in the same situation at times. I have to do the same thing today as I did then. Evaluate the situation based on the facts not how I feel as "mom". I am glad I had the practice as a studio owner because I admit, it can be tough.

On a side note, I was fortunate enough to have a wise woman guide me and become my mentor when I was a young studio owner. She had already owned a successful dance studio for many years. She encouraged me and gave me invaluable advice. Although she lived in another state, she was only a phone call away. One piece of advice she gave me was if a problem was discussed in my lobby or anywhere else with anyone else before it was address with me, not to address the problem when it was finally brought to my attention. My chin hit the floor at first, but she was right. Gossip is always wrong and this was no different. If you are a parent, I encourage you to go directly to your studio owner without the "lobby talk". This will help your relationship and will ensure the best possible longterm solution to whatever the issue may be. I still have wonderful relationships to this day with the parents that had to sign that piece of paper. (Yes, they signed a contract about this so there was no confusion on the issue.) The mutual love and respect will be there forever....and ever....and ever. 

I hope this help if you find yourself in a situation where you are considering questioning a decision at a dance competition or at your dance studio. Dance is for everyone and should be a wonderful overall experience. That overall experience will be combined with successes and failures that should equal to one big gigantic victory overall. That total victory will help each child to grow into an amazing, strong, well round person! 

Dance hard. Dance smart. 

Meredith
thecompetitiveedgebymeredith.blogspot.com

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